I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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