i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
