dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
