He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
