end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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