2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
