dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
