i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
