i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
