i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
