She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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