She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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