All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
