ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
