sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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