You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
