My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
