im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
