Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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