great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
