I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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