I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We have so much sex to catch up on
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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