I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
