Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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