Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My vagina is officially offended.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
