I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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