then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
