Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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That reminds me...we need to get swords
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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