She's JV to your varsity
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
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