After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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