Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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