I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
