I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
