don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
