This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
