im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
