Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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