she woke up with a sticky ear
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she looked like the before picture.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
where are you?
Hypothermia
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
