my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and she was petting her beer can
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
third nipple confirmed
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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