sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
