I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
