ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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