So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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