Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
