He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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