so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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