I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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