Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
