Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
