If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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