Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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