We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
