Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
