We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
