Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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