I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
