We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
