Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
a search helicopter?!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
