You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
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Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
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I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize