The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
