you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
