He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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