My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
