Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
