we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
