I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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