Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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