all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
